Character Clues: How Someone Treats Those Least Important To Them Matters

I’d love to share with you a valuable lesson that took years to learn: “You can tell the character of someone based on how they treat the person least important to them.”

___

Where can we look for examples of character? Can we recognize character when we see it?

Kent Sanders, writer and creative coach, wrote a great article about subtle clues we can use to see character based on how men speak to others. His article was incredibly popular because it hit a nerve. People want to know about character. People want to see good character. I believe people want to have good character.

Reading his article, I realized how imperative talking about character is; and I wondered where we can go to look to examples of good character. If we’ve been shown one thing, it’s that no single human being is above reproach. Actions have consequence.

Think about the people you’ve seen that are rude to the waitstaff, the checker at the grocery store, the guy taking money at the parking garage, or the folks working retail during the busy holiday season. (I have nothing but respect for those folks AND the ones that work in travel as well)!

As Kent Sanders put it in his article, “A man who is secure doesn’t need to put others down or disrespect them, no matter what their position in life. He knows that every person is worthy of respect, and everyone has a story worth listening to.”

If we’ve been taught one thing, it’s that no single human being is above reproach. Actions have consequence

There’s no pedestal, just people. Back in the day when the sports stars, TV actors, politicians or movie stars were used as examples of good character, then fell from grace—we learned not to idolize others based on the roles they played or the jobs they held. Hopefully we learned to look at their individual character instead. How do they treat others?

How does a person: the politician, the actor, the sports star, the TV actor treat other human beings? That’s a true sign of character.
◊♦◊

Teaching martial arts in this day and age is heavily based on character-building combined with the actual physical skills. Great instructors use the physical skills to showcase character lessons, or use life to showcase character. We don’t want to create a generation of Cobra Kai (please do yourself a favor and see The Karate Kid if you don’t get the reference). Heck, see it again if you haven’t seen it lately. And we begin teaching kids these character lessons starting at the ripe old age of 3-years-old.

As a Master Instructor, one of my favorite lessons is a simple one (phrased so poetically by Master Instructor Dave Kovar):

“You can tell the character of someone based on how they treat the people least important to them.” –Dave Kovar
Treating the janitor the same as the president of a company identifies someone that values people not just titles. When I train with the marvelous instructor, Dan Inosanto, the man who took over for Bruce Lee after his passing, I am in the presence of one of the most humble men I’ve ever met. He treats people as people and truly listens and cares about each one. And if anyone has a right to be high or mighty, it’s him.

However, I have also seen the other side. I still laugh at the example that was made of me several years ago.

◊♦◊

I don’t wear a special uniform, hat, or badge that denotes me as the Master Instructor or owner of a rather large martial arts and fitness facility, in fact I prefer to remain as anonymous as possible to the general public, especially anyone that comes in looking for the “guy who runs the place.” I’m not a guy. I’m also American.

One Friday we were hosting a VIP out-of-state instructor for a big tactical seminar, and I was behind the front desk sorting through files and paperwork in my civilian clothes. This gentleman walks through the front door without even a cursory nod of acknowledgement in my direction as I greet him with my most pleasant, “Hi, welcome, can I help you?” As he continued to walk on into the studio looking around.

I’m very strict on safety and making sure anyone that walks into the studio checks in at the front desk, since we teach children and it’s important to know who’s in the building at all times. No one gets access onto the floor without permission and a waiver. Especially without permission.

I immediately left the front desk and followed this gentlemen startling him by saying loudly, “Excuse me, sir, but can I help you with you something? Did you need something?” in my best Firm Mommy Voice. You know that voice, it’s like you know you’ve done something wrong just by the tone.

“Oh hey, I didn’t see you there. Yeah. I’m here to teach a seminar.” He replied.

“And you would be …” I left the words dangling in the air uncomfortably and completely on purpose.

“Oh I’m the instructor for the … the seminar … we … ” it starts to dawn on him that he probably should’ve checked into the front desk then he wouldn’t be in the position of explaining himself to this very adamant non-relenting front desk staff member. As a guest in a host school, it’s common courtesy to introduce yourself to the host.

“I’ll need you to sign a waiver. If I can get you to step over here please.” I point to the front desk as he starts to turn red. To me it didn’t matter that he was a Very Important Person of Tactical Things, he needed to check in with the front desk and sign our waiver. Everyone does.

“And I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” I add.

As he gave me his name, I introduced myself with a firm handshake as I watched this tactically trained martial arts gentleman realized he made a grave tactical error by treating the friendly blonde lady at the front desk with no more than a passing glance. Had I been my receptionist, I still wouldn’t have appreciated the dismissal.

◊♦◊

I learned a great deal with that lesson, and I’ve since made sure never to assume anyone’s title over purpose, which also means I’ll treat a CEO or billionaire the same way I interact with the wonderful person at Costco that puts my groceries in a box so beautifully. No one person is more important than another, we are all human beings. And how you treat others, says so much about you.

The lesson may not have been for me, but it stuck with me because it was done so poignantly.